So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
