I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
