do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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