All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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