I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
