I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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