I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
