Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
