I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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