I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
