Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
now i know why i became what i already was.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
