I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
