seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
