Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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