I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
