I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
