Yo dont text me then not text me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
