Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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