i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
