She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
