Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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