At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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