currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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