This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
