I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
