so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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