I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
