I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you're hired as official boob wrangler
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
