Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
