Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
