Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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