The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
