If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
