Porn is love you can see.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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