went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
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I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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