She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
