U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Boobs speak an international language.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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