She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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