she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
