Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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