I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
