So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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