But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
