I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
