The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
