There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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