i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize