You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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