this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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