I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
