do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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