At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
