She is in my trunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
