um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this just has baby written all over it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
