Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
