you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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