I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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