i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
