Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
