On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
