I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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