I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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