the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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