Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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