i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
