In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
