Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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