3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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