It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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