My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
