someone threw a dead crab at me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Your dad touched me again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
