The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
