No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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