He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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